Week 5 during a Pandemic

If you know me, you know that to disconnect from my school work is hard.  Yet, I did.  Boundaries, right?  I need balance.  I met virtually with a colleague to make sure all concerns were addressed and assessed.  I enjoyed a Seder meal with family.  I shut down my computer, Chromebook, and laptop last Tuesday evening after addressing all turned in work.  I literally packed them away.  Out of sight and out of temptation. 

Wednesday dawned with a virtual prayer group meeting, our second as a group.  It was good.  As a family, we had a holier week than we had had in a while: a family Seder, Holy Thursday virtual services, Good Friday with a family watching of The Passion and the Divine Mercy Novena begun, Saturday evening bunny gifts, and Easter Mass.  All without the fuss of public expectation.  Simple, humble adoration. Easter dinner was a simple home-cooked meal.  The best kind with all the nuclear family at home.  Missing extended family was looped in via FaceTime. 

Monday arrived.  News of a colleague's daughter with a collapsed lung.  News of my great fear (or great opportunity, still not sure which) that the schools will remain closed for the rest of the school year.  Sadness in my heart was swift.  I long for my classroom filled with students.  Long for their sweet, and sometimes sassy, smiles and interest, even their disinterest.  I long for my fellow teachers, so I reached out to them.  Those who would understand my heartache.  Those who could share the load.

Today, I dove back into my poetry.  It flowed, raw and passionate.  Maybe not perfect, but perfectly me.  Tomorrow, I meet virtually with my students.  I am uncertain what to say, yet the poem I will be discussing and introducing them to is "Nothing Gold Can Stay" by Robert Frost.  Melancholy reality definitely.  Praying the words will come--the words to comfort, to assure, to calm.  Words I need so much for myself.  Yet, putting others before self often helps one hear the words needed.

And yet, I'm mad. Angry. Upset. Sad.  People did not stay home.  They gathered.

And yet, I'm hopeful.  I have everything I longed for: family at home, time to address tasks and to-do lists, time for self, and time to slow down.

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